"Well done, good and FAITHFUL servant"

It's been about three months since I moved to St. Louis. These days, my life consists of classes at Covenant Theological Seminary, ministry at KPC St. Louis, and going to the gym. Not gonna lie, it's a pretty lonely life. The only thing I really look forward to is spending time with the youth group at KPC.

Besides my lack of social life, other events have taken place and I had to learn to adjust my person to these new circumstances. But one thing I've learned, or rather experienced, in St. Louis is the heart of a pastor.

If I were completely honest, I never expected ministry to be easy. I didn't underestimate it. But reality is so much more real than anticipation. Working with the youth group hurts my heart like I've never felt before. It's not that these kids are bad and causing me trouble (though that's not completely untrue either...). But hearing the struggles and pains that these students go through in their lives, no matter how illegitimate or ridiculous, makes me long for healing in their lives. I wish I could just grab them by their shoulders and shake the nonsense out of their lives while drilling a hole inside their heads to hammer in JESUS JESUS JESUS JESUS.

Don't get me wrong: I LOVE working with the youth. It's my greatest pleasure to guide these students and what I believe I was created to do. I can't picture myself doing anything else.

But it's still frustrating. It's partly frustrating because I'm powerless to directly change their lives. I know that the answer to any problem (especially the worries of middle- and high-school students) is a better understanding of Jesus and his gospel. But it's not like the gospel is some tangible object that I can show them in my hands as a panacea for their problems. I can't go inside their minds and change what they think or how they behave about certain things. Really, the limits of what I can do is to faithfully preach the gospel through my words and actions and pray for fruit in their hearts. I think the most frustrating thing for a minister of the gospel is to invest and put in all this work into a person/people, and see little or even no fruit. But I guess this is where faith comes in. I guess this is why Paul says in 1 Corinthians 1:31, "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord."

C.S. Lewis once said that the weight of glory were to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." I'm learning that there is a difference between those words, and "Well done, good and fruitful servant."

"For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on the Day..." 2 Timothy 4:6-8

In Christ
Peter

A Wide Back

It's been a busy past couple of weeks, and it's about to get even busier. I think today is the first time in a while that I could sit down on my computer and just relax.

With a lot of stress and burden on my mind, life's been moving too fast for me to process it at once. With VBS dawning upon us, worrying about seminary acceptance, trying to catch organize the currently-behind-schedule praise team for Synod, discipleship, other non-church related events, and other more personal issues, my mind and back is overloaded with a constant barrage of seemingly perpetual stress. So trying to respond to these situations correctly and wisely makes it all the more difficult for me to handle the events and results of everything happening.

But in the midst of all this, God never felt far. In one particular, quite personal, burden, I've personally thought it unfair, unreasonable, or even uncalled for. But never has it felt like God neglected me. Rather, it's more like the whole time I'm moping and being bitter, God is persistently teaching me what I should already know - that He has a plan for me far better than what I can see in my limited scope of vision.

Disclaimer: It's hard. I'm borderline depressed lately. But ultimately, I want to be hopeful. Because this period in my life is but a passing breath, and what's to come next will blow my mind. 

I think one thing God's given me is a wide back, one that can bear the weight of the burdens that fall on me. And it's with situations like these that He's continuing to make them stronger.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

In Christ
Peter

I Thought We Were Christians?

I was reading my Bible today, and this thought popped up in my mind: "I want to be like Jesus."

Not in the sense that I want supernatural powers and be able to perform miracles, but I want the kind of wisdom that Jesus had. I want the kind of compassion for people that Jesus had. I want to portray the love that Jesus had. I want the resiliency to sin that Jesus had. Just imagine- if Jesus is GOD [John 1], having Christ-like wisdom would mean having the wisdom of GOD! The same wisdom that created stars and cosmic bodies would be in you! Christ-like resistance to sin would mean that the Adversary, AKA god of this world [2 Cor. 4] wouldn't even be able to touch you!

But more than anything, I want the compassion of Christ. To see even the worst people and ache for that person to know Jesus. To see homeless and struggling people trying to get by, and be able to provide for them what God has provided for me.

Today I was at Pawley's again (see first post) with my friends, and a young black man approached our table of about ten people. He most likely wasn't homeless, but he needed money for his son (I couldn't hear the reason, perhaps for an operation, or simply putting food on the table). And this man, riddled in tattoos, was speed drawing portraits of people for money. What's interesting is that he told us that if we didn't like the drawing, then we could just keep it. Not a very efficient way to raise money.

Maybe I'm just naive. But I wanted to help him so badly. I wanted to encourage him. To take time and talk to him. But I didn't have any cash. And all I could feel was disappointment. I was disappointed in my friends (and yes, I'm aware some of them might read this and recognize I'm talking about them) for blatantly ignoring and avoiding this man with a presupposed, judgmental filter to block him out. But even more disappointed in myself. Disappointed that I was to powerless to do anything, too spineless to extend a helping hand or voice. How hard would it have been for me to catch up with him and offer something to eat, or go to the bank and withdraw money for him, or even just give a few encouraging words to him? A question for me and to all my friends: how would you have acted if Jesus was at the table eating with us?

"'For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did no welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.' Then they also will answer, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?' Then he will answer them, saying, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.'" Matthew 25:42-45

In Christ,
Peter

You don't really believe in Hell, and I can prove it

Recently a brother of a brother's friend passed away. I did not know this kid. But clues and conversations lead me to believe that this kid wasn't a Christian. And that is the single most depressing thing in the universe.

Even before this incident, God has been putting the idea of Hell in my mind. The reality of Hell. The pain of Hell. The eternity of Hell. I believe in a literal, existing Hell. And that frightens me beyond anything; not for my sake, but for my friends who I know to be unbelievers. I find it confusing and, quite frankly, irritating, when people will dance around the idea of Hell or a person's fate. "Don't worry about me, I don't have a strong relationship with God, but I'm not going to Hell". "Oh, he did some things before he died, but he can't be in Hell". These words are like an alarm clock when I hear them, as if God's saying, "You hear that? This person's confused. That's your cue to due something."

As Christians, we believe in Hell. Jesus talks about Hell more than anyone else in the Bible. And let's assume that we're not sugar-coating our friends' attitudes and behaviors, and know without a doubt that we have non-believer friends. Shouldn't we be compelled more than anything to beg and plea for that friend to accept Christ? Are we really so concerned over offending people, when we should really be concerned about offending God? Here's my big idea: if you're avoiding spiritual confrontation because of the risk of losing a friend, your friendship is based on a self-indulgent, self-serving grounds, because what that person offers in your friendship together is more important than that person's soul. 

If actions speak louder than words, than my fear is that our failure to act proves that we don't really believe in Hell.

I was talking to a non-Christian friend who believed in God, but didn't want to give his life to Jesus. And when we got to this topic of Hell and afterlife, It literally brought tears to my eyes. Because I can't bear to see him, and all my friends and family who don't trust their lives to Christ perish forever in an eternal Hell. The only thing that would make that worse is if I knew that there was something I could have done with my words to prevent their suffering.

If you believe in Hell, and you have friends who you know to be unbelievers, what are you waiting for?

"The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will gather out of his kingdom all causes of sin and all law-breakers, and throw them into the fiery furnace. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father" -Matthew 13:41-43

In Christ,
Peter

"Give and give and give. Just don't give to the needy. That's irresponsible."

Today I met a homeless man. Well, I didn't really meet him for the first time- I've come across this man a couple times these past few years. But today I learned his name, Lucky. And Lucky wanted to eat grits and eggs at a nearby IHOP. As for me, I had just gotten done eating at a burger joint called Pawley's Front Porch (great burgers, by the way) with my brothers and friends, and arrived at Starbucks to enjoy each others' fellowship. So against some of my friends' wishes, I decided to come back after I buy this brother some eats.

And often times, this is the response I get from my Christian friends:

• "It's not safe to drive him alone, you could get hurt"
• "If you're too kind they'll start taking advantage of you!"
• "If you keep buying them food, they'll never learn their lesson!"
• "He just wants your money, don't bother with him"

My response is this- when has that ever stopped Jesus? (Who, by the way, touched a leper. With his hands. And we're terrified to shake a homeless man's hand of gratitude.)

Should we Christians, who are called to be imitators of Christ, be so concerned for our safety, let alone our wallets, when we help a brother in need? Imagine if Christ had done that. Suppose Christ was more concerned for his safety than ours; would he have even gone to the cross? And let's say we do lose something in the process. Weren't we promised a greater reward for what we suffer for the sake of the Kingdom? 

My biggest peeve is this, especially in churches: that if we keep giving to homeless people, then they'll keep coming back. Well that's interesting. It's as if we don't want them to come back TO CHURCH. Church, a place where the broken and lost are meant to gather. Church, a place where we have the opportunity to offer the Gospel of Christ to those who are hopeless (not a typo). Church, a place to lovingly invite people, not reject them with disdain and self-righteous judgment at the sight of them.

Does it hurt when you give? Because it should. A former youth pastor used to tell me, "You're not giving until it hurts." Give abundantly. Give freely. Give without regards to your own well-being. Because that's what Christ did. 

Before I left Lucky, I asked him if he had a Bible. He said yes, and I told him that if he's grateful, to go and read the Bible. Because I know this fact- no amount of giving or charity will do him any good if he has not Jesus. And that hurt. A lot. Charity without compassion for the soul is not love. 

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers." -1 John 3:16

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." -John 15:13

In Christ,

Peter

An Introduction

In college I had a roommate named Thomas Brings, a brother in Christ who was ambitious for holiness. He often challenged me, "So Peter, whats the Good Lord been teaching you lately?" And it's not that the Good Lord hadn't been teaching me anything throughout the week, but often times I would compartmentalize any spiritual things I've learned, and would forget to apply it to my daily life. During my devotions and personal time with the Lord, I would become excited and full of joy at the moment, but when the question arose, "What has God been teaching me this week?" for some reason I couldn't tap into that side of my brain to give an answer.

And I think I found the solution.

This blog is for me to journal what God teaches me throughout the course of however long this blog survives. I believe that when you write something down, you remember it better. And when you have available a means to return to and reflect on past thoughts, you internalize even better. This is that. Not to sound selfish, but this blog is mainly for me. I created it with my benefit in mind. But I decided to journal via Internet as opposed to private documents because if my thoughts and God's teachings have the potential to help others who stumble across this humble page, it would bring me even greater joy. 

So there's a lot on my mind right now. But for the sake of having something to write in the future, I end here. I hope you're encouraged to reflect, "What's the Good Lord been teaching you lately?"

"May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus Christ our Lord" -2 Peter 1:2

In Christ,

Peter